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by College Humor - September 6, 2014
In life you have choices the healthy and not,
And sometimes it's tricky to choose what you ought
So if you are wondering what make you ill
It's easy to know because everything will
A is for Alcohol source of addiction
Liver diseases and other afflictions
So how about water, that might be okay
But if its in plastic there's B - B.P.A
C is for corn syrup, soda pop uses
And also for carbs found in sugary juices
D... Dehydration you still have to drink
Though all of these beverages seem like they stink
Eating too little? or too much to count?
E is for eating in perfect amounts
And eating some things that you shouldn't consume
'cause dozens of dishes will lead to your doom
F is for fried foods that's filled up with fat
Gluten for G if you buy into that
H is for hot dogs, who knows how they're made!
I is for insecticide.... veggies are sprayed,
J is for Jerky with way too much salt,
And K is for Kale it's also at fault,
But 'sn't it healthy? I'm glad that you asked,
Cabbage and Kale make thyroids too fast,
Forget about eating! I'll just go around!
But, that is where even more dangers can hide.
L is for Lyme Disease carried by ticks,
Malaria... M that mosquitoes inflect,
N N-Diethyl-M-Toluamide,
It kills all the bugs and it kills your insides,
O is for oxygen-less recreation
P for pollution in each inhalation
Q for quicksilver, fishing is wrecked
R Deadly Radon that's hard to detect
S is for sunscreen but also the sun
Both give you cancer, now isn't that fun?
T for tobacco, UV for U.V
W watching way too much TV
X as expected is X hyphen RAY
Y is surprisingly yerba mate
Z is for zealotry.... any insistence
that you found the key to external existence
You can't avoid danger? Just go and try,
No matter your actions, you're still gonna die.
In life you have choices the healthy and not,
And sometimes it's tricky to choose what you ought
So if you are wondering what make you ill
It's easy to know because everything will
A is for Alcohol source of addiction
Liver diseases and other afflictions
So how about water, that might be okay
But if its in plastic there's B - B.P.A
C is for corn syrup, soda pop uses
And also for carbs found in sugary juices
D... Dehydration you still have to drink
Though all of these beverages seem like they stink
Eating too little? or too much to count?
E is for eating in perfect amounts
And eating some things that you shouldn't consume
'cause dozens of dishes will lead to your doom
F is for fried foods that's filled up with fat
Gluten for G if you buy into that
H is for hot dogs, who knows how they're made!
I is for insecticide.... veggies are sprayed,
J is for Jerky with way too much salt,
And K is for Kale it's also at fault,
But 'sn't it healthy? I'm glad that you asked,
Cabbage and Kale make thyroids too fast,
Forget about eating! I'll just go around!
But, that is where even more dangers can hide.
L is for Lyme Disease carried by ticks,
Malaria... M that mosquitoes inflect,
N N-Diethyl-M-Toluamide,
It kills all the bugs and it kills your insides,
O is for oxygen-less recreation
P for pollution in each inhalation
Q for quicksilver, fishing is wrecked
R Deadly Radon that's hard to detect
S is for sunscreen but also the sun
Both give you cancer, now isn't that fun?
T for tobacco, UV for U.V
W watching way too much TV
X as expected is X hyphen RAY
Y is surprisingly yerba mate
Z is for zealotry.... any insistence
that you found the key to external existence
You can't avoid danger? Just go and try,
No matter your actions, you're still gonna die.